Arkie Mama: An open letter to mall Santa parents

Dear people with whom I stood in line yesterday:

Each year, I’m amazed by the number of you who think that your 7-month-old will not only sit compliantly on some strange old guy’s lap, but will look directly at the camera and offer a beatific smile.

REALITY, people. REALITY.

You’re NOT going to get that perfect picture. Not with an infant. Not with an unpredictable, squirming toddler. It will not happen.

So please, for the preservation of my sanity — DO NOT SPEND 10 MINUTES HOGGING SANTA WHILE THE REST OF US — those who understand the reality of small children and picture-taking — WAIT NOT SO PATIENTLY.

It’s rude. And delusional.

Besides, the kid-freaking-out-on-Santa’s lap photos are the most fun. Those are the pictures relatives will pull out years later and cackle over.

Those attempted posed shots? BORING.

So move on. My kid wants to tell Santa that she wants a reindeer for Christmas. We don’t have time to wait for your 2-month-old to muster his/her very first-ever smile.

Secondly — those of you who try to cut in line, using the excuse that you have a small child — LOOK AROUND! Everyone in line has a small child. So move to the back and wait like everyone else, please.

I don’t mean to be testy. But the only reason I enter a mall during Christmas season is so  the kids can visit Santa. Other than that, I avoid such places because crowds of people make me hostile.

In case you hadn’t noticed.