Arkie Mama: What are the Ting Tings saying?

I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve heard the Ting Tings sing the birthday song on Noggin. The only words I’ve ever been able to make out were “happy birthday” and “wombat.”

Today, I finally looked up the lyrics. Turns out “wombat” is actually “hot bath.”

And now I must ask. What the hell are they singing about? Who — or what — is in the cupboard with her birthday cake? Who are “they?” And what does a hot bath have to do with a birthday and mysterious creatures hiding in cupboards? Does anyone understand this song?

Happy birthday happy birthday
Happy birthday happy birthday
Happy birthday happy birthday.

Happy happy birthday in a hot bath
To those nice nice nights.
I remember always
always I got such a fright.

Seeing them in my
dark cupboard with
my great big cake.

If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you
If they were me and I was you
Would you have liked a present too?

Happy happy birthday in a hot bath
To those nice nice nights.
I remember always
always I got such a fright.

Seeing them in my
dark cupboard with
my great big cake.

If they were me, if they were me
And I was you, and I was you
If they were me and I was you
Would you have liked a present too?

Happy birthday happy birthday
Happy birthday happy birthday
Happy birthday happy birthday.