Guess what, guys? We’re onto you.

So lately I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon at the grocery store —

Fathers shopping with a small child.

Now, it’s not unusual to see guys roaming the aisle ALONE. But with a kid? And no wife? Not so common. And there’s a reason for this, ladies.

The grocery store is a man’s last-ditch attempt after work to put off going home, where child-related chaos awaits. Beer with the guys no longer flies, so men have come up with what they believe is a more acceptable stalling tactic. Doesn’t matter whether you’re a working mom or a stay-at-home mom — we’ve all gotten the phone call from the huzzer:

Hey, do we need anything at the store?

You can tell your man that the panty’s so well stocked that you could survive ten rounds of bird/swine flu and the Ice Storm of the Century and still, he’ll persist.

I thought we were out of paper towels. And don’t we need laundry detergent?

I’d always suspected that the grocery-store offer was a ploy. And then my hunch was confirmed in a book called Babyproofing Your Marriage. (A hilarious read, btw.)

Here are a couple of daddy confessions printed in this book:

I drive home at about thirty miles an hour. I do whatever I can to delay the moment.

And …

Yeah, I call my wife from the car to ask her if she needs me to pick something up from the store on my way home. It’s a great stalling tactic. She hasn’t figured it out yet.

Oh yes she has! And this realization is  evidenced by the growing numbers of men at the store with small children in tow. Thing is, I’ve noticed only one child per dad, likely because the dads panicked at the thought of taking two or three at once.

Don’t worry, daddies. That’s next on our agenda.

3 thoughts on “Guess what, guys? We’re onto you.

  1. Does this mean Kroger is the new Cave? This morning my husband was out the door doing yardwork before the girls even got up and the subsequent child-related chaos began.

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  2. Well we just have the dogs to escape from but Greg really does love grocery shopping. He’s the cook. I haven’t been to Kroger in um…. not sure. He goes when I’m working on the weekends.

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  3. i could not pay aaron enough to do the weekly grocery shopping. he would DIE. poor guy, he can hardly pick out the “right” bread or cheese….let alone decide which type of dish detergent to buy!! so i leave the kid at home for 1-2 hours for MY ESCAPE. 🙂

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