The life of the wife of the deer hunter

In the months before the birth of our first child, Hubs and I spent many an evening discussing nursery decor.

“I know!” Hubs declared one night. “We’ll run with a Bambi theme, maybe paint little woodland creatures on the walls!”

“You realize that one day you will be explaining to our child that Daddy shoots those cute little woodland creatures, right?” I inquired.

“We’ll just redecorate before we get to that point,” Hubs replied.

Uh, yeah. Riiiiiiight.

This, ladies, is life with a devoted hunter. Doesn’t matter what time of year it is, the man is consumed with dreams of deer.

I can’t plead ignorance. I knew what I was getting into. The first time I went to Hubs’ house, I couldn’t miss the tangle of antlers on his fireplace mantel. His couch was plaid — maroon and hunter green. The place looked more like a hunting lodge than bachelor pad.

Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to the weekend absences, the overly full freezer, the sight of drying antlers hanging from one of our trees.

What I can’t get used to is this —

Christmas present, 2008

Christmas present, 2008

— my husband’s desire to see me decked out in camo.

This is the second camo camisole the man has bought for me. What, exactly, is he envisioning — a sexy romp through the living room with him as the hunter and me as the hunted?

Trust me. I do not run like a gazelle. I lumber.

Last night, the following exchange took place on Facebook:

Hubs is happy, cathy is in camo
Yesterday at 8:22pm

Kin Man Hui How would you be if she was also holding onto a compound bow? 😉
Yesterday at 8:29pm

Hubs even better
Yesterday at 8:30pm

John Lynch Is it date night?
Yesterday at 8:43pm

Mark Wilson maybe she’s trying to hide from you
Yesterday at 9:44pm


It’s bad enough that all our friends are now envisioning me in camo. But to imply that I’m engaged in some sort of Amazon warrior princess seduction?

Really, it’s too much.

Which is why Hubs is getting this for his next birthday:


I believe these are called Tutti-Frutti.